There's a Kirtan in the works!

Okay, okay, so it's been awhile without a post again - but based on the traffic tracker perhaps no one has noticed! Perhaps that is about to change a bit and if this is your first visit to my blog - welcome... and thank you.

I have some fun and exciting news to share. My absence from the web has been full of planning and arrangements. I am so delighted to announce that Dave Stringer will be coming to the valley in February blessing us with a kirtan benefit for HORP. The website should be updated in the coming days with all the details, so stay tuned.

Also, last month I was able to forward the first donation from ichant4haiti t-shirt sales. Thanks to all who purchased shirts! Together we we're able to send just over $500.00 to Haiti Orphan Rescue Program. They will be heading to Haiti in 2011 to begin another orphanage renovation. If you haven't checked out their website yet, be prepared to be inspired and visit www.haitiorphanrescue.org.

More to come as we head into the New Year. ~m

Where does the time go?

It has been 7 months since my last post, a subtle reminder that healing and recuperation can often take it's own time. The highest part of me knows that to honor that is to be in integrity, and to force or resist leads only to pain and discomfort. So, while it may appear that I lack follow through, and consistency - my heart truly knows that this down time was completely necessary and perfect.

The long and short of my time away is that I truly got in touch with the sadness I had brushed aside at the passing of my Mom & dear friend Bill. Those two losses occurred within 6 months of one another, and although I thought I was processing - I was actually just surviving. I am grateful to have survived. Today, I am o.k. that for sometime I failed to "show up" in a joyful, open, compassionate way. The truth is that I was lucky to be getting out of bed. My children were lucky to be receiving care, my husband was lucky to have the shell of what he had once known as wife. And they loved me through it, supported me, even though it must have seemed like my body had been taken over by some dark force. Grief is like that. Mentally I understood, and trusted Life. Death never meant the end of my dear ones, yet my day to day experience was missing something vital. My connection to these two went through a transformation, and while that transformation was occurring my experience was full of loss and confusion. Today, I am able to feel the connection and share with them the way I could when they had bodies, maybe even deeper. In quiet, still moments I feel their essence surround me, and know I am not without them .... ever.

You don't always get what you want!

Yes, it has been ages since I posted last. My journey to follow the DP&M-Krishna Das concert tour has long since come to an end. It was an incredible time to move through some painful experiences with the support of the mantra's and new friendships. So while we didn't get the opportunity to sell many t-shirts, we were blessed in ways I still can't quite comprehend or understand. You don't always get what you want, but you always get what you need. So much came to pass, it will takes a few posts to share.

The concerts were amazing. I was able to connect with the tour for the opening night in Seattle, where I was joined by Heather and Michael from Haiti Orphan Rescue Program. They are incredibly dedicated people with a passion for the children of Haiti. Heather brings her love of Presence to everything she does. They travelled with their two adorable labs to support themselves and their mission in Haiti. And of course there's Suzanne my friend from Seattle, who flowed with the ever changing current always ready to honor the moment.

The morning after the Seattle concert I spoke with my dear friend Bill. He told me that his body had begun rejecting food, and it was time for him to quit taking nourishment through his feeding tube. He said he wouldn't stop though, until I was home from my trip. If you have ever witnessed someone go through the dying process you know that to force food into a body that cannot process it is painful. The thought of my beloved friend suffering and waiting on me to be with him was too much. It was resolved quickly that we would be heading home, sooner than planned.

Meeting The Moment

It has been an incredibly full life this past week. Trip plans, t-shirts, details, details, details. In the midst of it all my dear friend Bill continues his process of dying. Gathered around him the other day he encouraged us to "See all that is there, and explore all of it." In every moment, every interaction there is infinite depth and breadth to witness. If our consciousness is fixated on the surface of things, we miss the fabric of our experience which weaves us together. Look a little deeper, and turn your awareness away from what your mind tells you is happening, and a whole new world filled with love rises up to meet you in the moment.

While the foundation for a wonderful adventure has been laid, the coming days of travel and chanting hold infinite possibilities for me and my fellow travelers. Everything that has come to pass in our lives takes us perfectly to this moment, and then this moment, and then this moment. Everything new and reborn with but a breath. My intention is to "see all that is there, and explore all of it." To meet my moments with only my breath, not clinging to the past or anticipating the future. Held within my heart are the dear Ones who have walked with me to this point, and all those whose faces are yet to be reflections, my connection to all of them is enough.

Tomorrow Seattle!

From Quake Victims, 'That's Haiti' Is a Stirring Refrain - AOL News

Today, this story feels like the right share. Thanks to my friends at HORP for gifting me with it. Even if we have found a way to move on with our lives, to protect ourselves from the pain that is being experienced in the world, it still exists. We are a part of All Of It, and we are playing out our role in It. If you hear a call within to play a larger role, begin the journey to living your Truth. Now is the time........

From Quake Victims, 'That's Haiti' Is a Stirring Refrain - AOL News

Water & Sunshine

Many years ago my dear friend Bill was introduced to the music of Peter Makena. The sound, silence and depth of Peter's music ignited a fire of deep recognition within him, and together with Peter's wife Aneeta the three of them began facilitating weekend retreats together here in Arizona for Bill's Living Love group. This past weekend we came together again, to celebrate, and witness the transformation of so many who have been touched by Bill's work, and Peter's music. It was Beautiful! I don't know all the details of Peter and Aneeta's past, but to be Present with them is magical.

This morning I am surrounded by the newly planted garden in our courtyard. Nature is offering it's answers to my questions about this journey. The vast array of greenery and flowering plants makes me aware that each seed planted takes it's own time to germinate. It is important to allow each it's own time to grow deep roots before it begins it's ascent to the sky. This past couple of months has been about planting seeds, time now for water and sunshine, attentive love and care.

Today, water and sunshine come in the form of Peter's music and deep surrender to that which is ever Present. Aneeta blessed me with her words of wisdom this weekend..... "You don't have to do anything, Mika you just float, just float."

May we all meet each moment, with clarity and commitment. May we float through our experiences with absolute allowance of what is.

For a taste of Peter's music see http://www.makenasinging.com

Full of gratitude and wonder, m

Gratitude....

Reaching out today from a space of deep gratitude. The connections that are being made and the shared vision of a better tomorrow for this world are wondrous and delightful, reminding me that we are all more supported and loved than we could ever even know.

The website is up and completely functional, ready for t-shirt orders. New friendships are blossoming, and I find myself surrendering to each moment. Trusting the flow, the intuitions, and the not so subtle messages that remind me..... the most beautiful creations happen not because of us, but through us. Jai Gurudev...

Thanks for stopping by, for holding the vision and sharing this journey.

Nothing but Love,

m

Like a wind against my back......

I read an article about a young girl of 14 in Haiti a few weeks ago. When the earthquake hit, she rushed to the downtown area where her mother worked. She actually found her mother's body amidst the rubble. In the days that followed she found herself living with other refugees, and everyone told her to simply not think of her mom. She replied "I can't stop thinking of her, I still feel her... like a wind against my back."

My mother died in October of last year. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer the year before, and because of complications from surgeries her quality of life was painful and difficult. I quit my job of 13 years to be with her. I spent endless hours at her hospital bedside, and cared for her in our home with the support of loving friends and family. Each day having her with me to watch my children grow, to share the details of my life was a blessing. And in hindsight, I am grateful to be able to say we did all we could to support her in healing.

My mom was an artist. Her painting above came through her after my stepson suffered a massive brain injury and became a total care patient. It hung above his bed, watching over him until he was released from a body that could no longer serve him. Her talents with a canvas and brush were not passed to me. I got her heart and love of life.

Like a wind against my back she pushes me on, to live the life I dream of. She whispers in my ear, don't look back.... How I pray for my little sister in Haiti, that she find her place in this world. That she continues to feel her mother's presence, and feels the blessings bestowed from somewhere beyond. I hope she is comfortable, safe and resting well.... and that she can feel my love.

Let It Shine

Every Monday evening 35 - 40 beings descend on my home. We gather in hope, in truth, and in love to explore our humanness and our divinity. Our beloved facilitator is an 82 year old man, going through the process of cancer. A life long therapist, Bill lives out his dream of awakening others as he inches closer to his death.

Last night someone handed me a book called Anam Cara by John O’Donohue. Anam is translated as soul, and cara means friend. “The anam cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life....When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across convention and category.” And so it was that a 30 year old woman, mother, and seeker became the best of friends with a sweet, gentle, delightful old man. Unexpected is our connection, but as we explore our inner and outer worlds together we deepen in our understanding and embodiment of living Love in this world. My anam cara will leave his body soon and return to the Mystery that calls us all home. And while I know that there will be new relationships to experience, beauties to witness none will ever be just like this One.

Bill loves music. From old tunes that I have never heard, to music of devotion we have joined our voices hundreds of times. We always begin group with music that takes us inward, and throughout the night he interweaves music to bring closure to our work. Last night he played a song by Jana Stanfield, Let the Change Begin. We dance and move, and I witness his Joy. Bill lives his truth in form, through words, movement, and Presence.

So I have been blessed to see a Being alive with Love. Bill is a Truth Teller, he sees beyond our distortions and behavior, to the Truth of our Being, and he reminds us. To honor him and what he has brought to my life, I have only one choice. To rise up and give voice to that which longs for expression through me. We all have gifts to give. And as Bill says, this is the place, now is the time....let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

Courage to Connect Contribute & Create

It’s all about love today, and as I watch my husband create a garden in our courtyard, I feel amazingly blessed by our relationship and the family we have created.

Friday night I attended Kirtan with Wah! here in Phoenix. Two cars full of my best friends, and my two baby girls descended on Urban Yoga in downtown. Great turnout, and sweet chants filled the night. Best of all I got to practice two of my favorite things - chanting and being a momma.

I didn’t get my fill though, so Saturday afternoon I decided to drive to Tucson and catch Wah! at Yoga Oasis. Well, I made the decision and then experienced that same old nagging fear. Travelling solo, to some place I have never been, with people I have never met, my mind went wild. It amazes me how quickly my outside world can mirror my interior, and as R encouraged me to go Z (my 4 yr. old) wrapped her little arms around my legs and refused to let go. Outbursts like this are rare, but I get my chance time and time again to follow my inner knowing in spite of the fear and the expressions of it in the world of form.

The 2 hour trip proved very worthwhile. Yoga Oasis felt like such a welcoming space, and without the girls I could truly sink in to the experience. I was among friends and at some point our voices became one. We Connect with one another in truth, we Contribute and lend our voices to the whole and we create, hmm...we Create a little heaven on earth.

The Journey Begins

Confucius says a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step. I visited the t-shirt store today. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Well let me just tell you that for a girl with a hundred inspirations and no courage to act it was quite a feat. But we never go it alone, and my dear husband walked me through.

There has been but one wish in my heart for many years now. It is a wish to be useful in this world. I long to take a stand for all that is good and take action in supporting the beautiful. I long for eyes that see it ALL and a heart that never turns from the sadness and suffering that exists in this world. To witness this Life and remain certain that Truth and Beauty are everyone’s birthright.

Inspiration

A few years ago my heart led me to the Omega Institute for the Labor Day Ecstatic Chant weekend. What I discovered there has impacted my life in more ways than I could ever know. The most amazing experience for me was on the last day of the trip, as I looked around the room. I witnessed the most incredible joy, and I knew in my heart that as long as joy like this existed anywhere in the world, every little thing would surely be o.k.

If you have been blessed with a similar experience you know that it is difficult to explain to others. It simply is....If you have never explored the world of devotional chanting I cannot encourage you enough to seek out some of the artists who have brought this gift to us. Don’t stop at purchasing a c.d., find a venue and sink deeply into the core of your being.

It was from this place that a desire arose in me to reach out to the community I have found and support our global family. Along with my dear friends Suzane and Brian I have embarked on an adventure. Our goal is to sell 1000 t-shirts the profits of which will be donated to the Haiti relief effort.